Reading anew the familiar story of Mary and Elizabeth, I am drawn to their friendship and to the solace that Elizabeth gives to Mary. Both women seem very calm about their unexpected and unorthodox pregnancies. Lindsay Hardin Freeman points out that Elizabeth, upon hearing that she will have a child born in her old age “rejoices without question, in full trust.” There is an honest calmness that comes with age; because we have seen and experienced so much, very little surprises us. Joy is a welcome change to a daily routine of unfulfilled dreams, and if that means a baby in old age, then so be it. Mary, on the other hand, may seem calm on the outside but I think she is in turmoil on the inside. At her young age the unexpected is frightening. Many of us naively said we had a plan for our lives; we knew what our college major would be, when and what kind of person we would marry, how many children we would have, and what type of house we would buy. It was probably the same with Mary’s expectations for her life. It takes years of experience and growing wisdom to realize that life happens, not as we have planned, but as it evolves. I think to find reassurance, and as soon as she could after the visitation of the angel Gabriel, Mary left her home and went to her older cousin and friend, Elizabeth. There she remained about three months.
Mary’s unmarried state of pregnancy could have led to her death, and acceptance of Mary could have led to Elizabeth and her priestly husband Zechariah’s undoing in the community. Elizabeth’s calm demeanor opened a welcoming door to Mary. Joan Chittister, a Benedictine nun in the Roman Catholic Church and a prolific author, has written a book, The Friendship of Women. In the chapter titled Elizabeth: Acceptance, she writes:
“Elizabeth, contrary to all tradition, against all common sense, took Mary into her home, no questions asked, no verdict levied. More than that, Elizabeth recognized in Mary the great gain that would eventually come from a situation that looked like such great loss to everyone else. Elizabeth accepted Mary for who she was, and she saw the goodness in her. Literally. Immediately.
“Acceptance is the universal currency of real friendship. It allows the other to be the other. It puts no barriers where life should be. It does not warp or shape or wrench a person to be anything other than what they are. It simply opens its arms to hold the weary and opens its heart to hear the broken and opens its mind to see the invisible. Then, in the shelter of acceptance, a person can be free to be even something more.”
In the best of times, a friend is someone who shares the good times with you. Vacations together are reinvigorating to mind, body, and spirit. Bonds are strengthened through play. The just completed ECW Pilgrimage to the Holy Land was much more than a vacation and it allowed for deepening of friendships and formation of new friendships in the shared experience of walking where Jesus walked. The pilgrimage was the best of times.
It is much more of a risk to reach out to someone when life becomes burdensome and frightening. In a dark period of my life, contemplating divorce and severing of family ties, I turned to many people to help me through the pain. I knew who sincerely accepted me despite my flaws. I knew who wished me to go away and leave them alone. And while struggling to find acceptance of myself, I found friends who accepted me, frightened and flawed. Can there be real acceptance without there first being risk?
Mary took that risk and said yes to God. Elizabeth took that risk when she kept her friendship with Mary. Jesus took that risk when he gathered around him a ragtag bunch of followers, even one who would betray him. God took that risk when God created us, and when God gave his son for us.
May you have a blessed Christmas. May you be with friends and family who risk to be their true selves and who are accepted and accepting for who we all are.
++++ Coming January 1st ++++
Chapter 5
The Daughters of Zelophehad
Content provided by Author Lindsay Hardin Freeman
Illustration: Claire Elam